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  • Writer's pictureJames


I shared an informal survey a few weeks back with a handful of people. I asked one question: “If feeling hungry is a lack of or need for food, then loneliness is a feeling of lack of or need for ________. Take a moment and for yourself consider this question and note your own personal response. What is true for you as you read that question in this moment?

The overwhelming response that I got back from this small survey was the single word, connection.

That is when the lightbulb went off in my head. Our work as intimacy coaches is all about how we can develop and have deeper connections in all of our relationships. Deeper connections should result in more satisfaction and enjoyment with life and fewer feelings of loneliness!

I thought about some of the times I felt most lonely. Some of my worst experiences were in places and events where I was surrounded by people or in the midst of committed long term relationships. I revisited early memories of feeling alone in the world during childhood. I recalled the feelings of pain and suffering I felt in my body when I was lonely. I felt a sense of emptiness and a void in the core of my body that longed to be filled.

Consider the relationships that you have. Your relationship with your self and the parts of you that comprise your self, your relationships with others, and your relationship with deity. Intimacy is like a dance where there is a continual moving towards or moving away. As you consider each of your relationships, are you moving towards or moving away? The direction you are moving is often a choice you make. What choices are you making? Why are you making these choices?

Intimacy is scary but it is also a vital part of life. Is fear keeping you from having the intimacy you desire? Are you battling with yourself between having deeper connection in your life and feeling safe or avoiding potential harm?

If you are feeling lonely, disconnected, or unsupported in your journey in life, then I invite you to come take a walk with me. I have been there too. Let’s work together towards developing deeper connections in your life.

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Jul 28, 2021

Totally awesome ... Really needed this today...I'm on vacation and feeling totally alone...I don't think I'll ever be the same...Help...

Jul 28, 2021
Replying to

Hi Sabrina, I'm glad my writing reached you at a relevant time for you. I feel your pain. Vacations can be tough. I sent you an email, perhaps we can connect soon.

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